The importance of transparency and open communication have been on my mind a lot recently, both in the professional as well as the personal context. They have the ability the make or break families, relationships, teams, companies, and countries.

Growing up in a family that didn’t really talk about anything, not the good stuff nor the bad stuff, I had a hard time having honest and upfront conversations with people, admitting guilt, providing feedback … relationships suffered because of things unspoken, friendships crumbled when the unsaid came out in giant outbursts. It took me years of failure to understand that as difficult as having that conversation might be, it’s not as bad as not having it and dealing with the longer term repercussions. But one day, it just clicked. I asked my coworker at the time to step into a conference, and visibly nervous (he even asked me if I was ok), I sat him down and expressed my concern for our working relationship…I said my peace, he said his, and we walked away, not best friends, but with a much better understanding of one another.

As I’ve gotten older, further into my career, and deeper into my personal relationships, this has become more and more of a priority. I was recently asked in an interview to discuss the most important quality in a manager – never having been asked this before (or really having thought about it), I had to pause and run through the options. But only one thing kept surfacing – they need to be open and honest with me, and to create an environment that allows for me to be honest and open with them. Both of us need to be able to give and receive feedback; I need to know that my career isn’t on the line; and they need to know that my input is coming with the best intentions. Same thing goes for relationships – own up to your mistakes, voice your concerns, raise the difficult questions (all in a respectful and disarming manner, of course) – both of you will thank you for it later. Set the standard and expectation for it early and follow through – it will pay off in the long run. I promise!