When I moved to Detroit, I always planned to move on from here. In my mind, staying in a place to long will let a person plant their roots in their community and their people there, but creates a static state. You cease to grow, you develop a routine, and you’re comfortable. The next thing you know, you realizing that years have passed and you have either repeated the pattern of your parents, or fallen into a pattern that you never saw for yourself. I realize the romanticized idea of being/doing/seeing more than one’s parents/high school friends/etc. is very (is v) millennial, but it’s true.
Sylvia Plath quote break:
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
In the very well written quote, and in my own life, the overwhelming tidal wave of fear is on the horizon, but each day marches towards me. The only thing scarier than facing reality, is giving up on realities that could have been. Not only is this frustrating in the anxiety of worrying about these decisions, but also in the unwillingness to jump at opportunities as they present themselves.
Now that we are moving in to our last challenge, I know that the next steps are to reflect on the impact made, assess whether I can maintain my presence here, and if not, figuring out the next steps to get there. For today, there is still time, as such I will focus on my friendly conversation and my hoppy beer, these are problems for future Alex.