I’ve noticed that many millennials are very adamant about always appearing “cool and unbothered”. Heaven forbid we aren’t easy going at all times. One of the best compliments you can give to someone these days is “Oh yea! She/he is really cool”. Sometimes I also get caught up in this trap of trying to constantly appear “cool”.

I hold my tongue when I really want to speak. I will hesitate to act on something when I know deep down that I should. Or I’ll reply, “it’s okay” when someone apologizes for something they have done to me that has caused a lot of discomfort or struggle. Actually, it wasn’t okay. Why do I have to pretend it was?

I understand that sometimes you have to be flexible and accommodating; especially in a professional setting. Sometimes you have to take one for the team. However, it’s okay to not be okay with everything. It’s fine to not agree with and be open to all the happenings going on around you. Don’t lie to yourself or others about it. Don’t be afraid of ruffling a few feathers every now and then.

Sometimes, saying “actually, its not okay” opens up the doors for discovering new and better ways of doing things.  You aren’t mean or tense just because you don’t like everything. I wish people felt more comfortable with a little conflict. It’s a normal part of life.

This past summer I lived in Spain as an aupair. One of the other aupairs kept telling everyone about this wonderful, beautiful hike along the sea that she had taken the previous summer. One afternoon, with much anticipation we prepared for this great hike, with the one who had taken it before leading the way. A few weeks before this hiking trip I told myself that I wanted to start being more “easygoing and okay” with things.

As we were taking this hike, I got this feeling that the one leading the group had lost the trail and was too embarrassed to tell us. Instead of being on a designated walking path, we were going through tough weeds and greenery that slapped against our skin and created large welts on our legs.

No one spoke. No one wanted to be the uptight one to ruin the fun because they weren’t “down for whatever”. We had looked forward to this hike and travelled hours away to get here. We kept walking… and I didn’t speak either. Besides, I had just made that promise to myself that I would start being cooler! So I waited, hoping someone else would be the “uncool” one and stop this disastrous journey. Then it just got ridiculous, and our welts started to bleed. Literally blood was dripping down our legs. Finally, I stopped. I said, “you guys. This isn’t fun anymore. I’m not cool with this”.

Then everyone else agreed. They said, “yea, me neither actually”. Why was it so hard for us to say this a long time ago? If I weren’t the uptight one to break up the party, who knows how much longer we would have gone. Sometimes, we all have to be that person. Whether it’s while working on a group project at the office or navigating our personal lives. It’s al right to not always be known as the super easy going, down one. You may not be invited to as many parties, and maybe some people will downright dislike you and your “uncool” attitude. But you can sleep at night knowing that you are being true to yourself and creating the world you want to live in as opposed to always submitting to your environment. And that’s totally cool.

Being a part of the community development arena in Detroit, I am bound to find myself involved in touchy conversations that everyone may not agree on. As an African American female, I have to make a commitment to myself to not be afraid of speaking up and suggesting alternative ways of approaching things. I sometimes find that I am one of the few minorities at the table during community development discussions. I’m definitely not the speaker of all black people but I feel almost obligated to speak on issues, even if it means I have the “uncool” or unpopular opinion. Being a minority means that I have different life experiences that can bring a different perspective. One of my goals is to become comfortable with sometimes being “uncool”. Not because I want to be seen as the pot stirrer, but because someone has to.

-Gabrial Taylor:

Year 5 Challenge Detroit Fellow