“This one time I….”
I already have a wide swath of stories that I could tie on to the end of that phrase. I knew amassing a collection would happen at some point. I am just raising the ‘ol eyebrows at how quickly it happened. Many curiosities will befall a person in this Motor city.
-There will be times a friend reports of ‘a really cool farm’ he visited in the heart of the city once that you could volunteer at. You start out in the realm of a solid skeptic, because you’ve been to a farm. Because you’re from the south. But then quickly shift your thinking when two emu are staring you down from feet away, there are dozens of chicken pecking your legs and you get charged by two massive pigs. All in the heart of Detroit.
-There will be times when you have to suddenly and dangerously swerve on your bike because a cop pulls a sudden u-turn in front of you. She was gracious enough to give me the ‘I realize I almost just swiftly and aggressively introduced you to my bumper’ wave. I’m still finding gray hairs…
-There will be times when you’ll see entire vehicles disappear into potholes on your daily commute to work…
-There will be times when traffic is delayed because there is a city bus which needs to take up the 6 lanes of a massive city road to pull a u-turn and retrace its route. Then the same happens with a school bus. And a cement mixer. And an actual crane…
-There will be times when you’re lent a Mustang GT and no matter how much spirited enthusiasm you have with it’s majestic 450+ HP you will still somehow get passed by a mini van…
-There will be times when your friend asks if you like to join him in digging an impromptu fire pit in his back yard. Just because. Is it allowed? It could be. You don’t worry because you’ll stand around it all night completely content with your decisions.
-There will be times when the fall season, one particularly appreciated by southerners, arrives. But then you’ll regret when it departs 72 hours later and is replaced by the frigid hints of winter. Which is then replaced 96 hours later by … summer? Yes. Summer. Again. There is a phrase here in Michigan- ‘If you don’t like the weather, just wait a minute’. Accurate as hell.
-There will be times when you realize you are no longer in the realm of Detroit because you notice people are regularly, and with purposeful intent, using their turn signals.
-There will be times when you see people with speaker systems rigged up on their bikes which have a noise level that could easily accommodate a 10,000 person stadium crowd.
-There will be time when Detroiters will hoot and holler about the spectacular invention which is the Detroit Coney Dog. But being the respectful southerner you are, you smile and nod, not daring to share you disagree for fear of offense. But the entire time, the word ‘coney’ fractures your attention, as it was immediately shifted hundreds of miles south to day-dream of the glory that is Cincinnati style chili. Shout-out to Skyline chili.
As always, obliged.
Everett