One of our first tasks during Challenge Detroit Orientation was to write a “TED Talk” style presentation about ourselves and share it to our co-fellows and the Challenge Detroit Leadership team. My talk was about “Nostalgia”. As we approach the end of our Challenge Detroit year, I am reflecting on how much I have learned and grown. I feel like it is fitting for me to share my “TED Talk” as my blog post this month.
Nostalgia:
It’s delicate, but potent. In Greek, “nostalgia” literally means the pain from an old wound.” It’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone – a feeling of place where we ache to go again.
Those who know me, know that I am extremely nostalgic. I am greatly affected by my surroundings and easily get attached. The ironic thing is that while I have a hard time dealing with transition, I find myself constantly pursuing new things.
I recognized this feeling of inner turmoil at a young age. I spent a lot of time with my babysitters and I found myself crying when I was dropped off because I did not want to leave my parents and then crying when I got picked up because I did not want to leave my babysitters. It was hard for me because I loved them both and knew that I couldn’t stay with both of them all of the time.
This same feeling crept in when I would go to and from college, I would be stressed and sad to go home for the summer, and at the end of the summer I would not want to go back to school. I deal with this roller-coaster of emotions every time I move from one experience to another. Sometimes, I ask myself why I keep pursuing these new things, where I meet new people and live in new places that are just going to become more to miss later. Sometimes I think it would have been easier if I had just stayed in Kentucky.
But when I think about how much I have grown throughout my years of emotional transitions, and about the genuine relationships I have formed with people I would have otherwise never found, I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
The biggest problem with being a nostalgic person who is always on the verge of transition is not in the pain of the goodbyes or in the stress of moving, it is that I am often a step behind my present experience. In my constant state of nostalgia, I miss out on the moment. I want to avoid this in our Challenge Detroit year. This year, I want to practice being fully present and engaged. This goal has pushed me to be reflective about my outlook on time.
Although I know it is natural to long for the past and that I will continue to be nostalgic, I find comfort in knowing that my life chapters are not erasable… once I have met someone or had an experience, I can never un-meet them or un-have that experience.
So, what I gather from all of this is that we are all a collection of our experiences. And the trick isn’t to forget them or to deny ourselves the right to miss them, but to appreciate all that they have taught us and how they have shaped us.
I am excited to immerse myself in our Challenge Detroit experience that will be full of great moments and people that I will miss deeply when it’s over.
Looking at my “TED Talk” from the other side of my Challenge Detroit experience, I can confidently verify that this year has been full of great moments and people that I will miss deeply when its over.
Year 3 Challenge Detroit Fellows