I’ve been away from the city for the past two and a half weeks. I had bunion surgery on my right foot and have been convalescing on my parents’ couch in Bloomfield Hills. While it was amazing to have my mom cook me three square meals each day like I was a kid again, I seriously missed Detroit. Living in Detroit is much different than living in the suburbs. Something I knew but never appreciated until I moved here. Living in Detroit means experiencing it first hand. Living in the suburbs, even just 20 miles away, can often mean holding a media-produced opinion of Detroit. Even with the best of intentions, cobbling together stories, one-time events and news articles that may seem accurate, it can be difficult to truly understand a city until you experience it. Even though I now have both a suburb and city viewpoint under my belt, I find it difficult to communicate to others both why an “outside view” can be judgmental and also what that “inside view” really is.

What promoted me to think about stigma and my difficulty in communicating about it was actually a Facebook status. The status was posted by friend of mine from graduate school who was born and raised in Atlanta and took a job in Detroit after graduation. He worked in Detroit, in the Renaissance Center, and lived in Royal Oak. We hung out a little, and from what I gather he mostly went out in Royal Oak and occasionally made the hike to Ann Arbor. I had conversations with him about how he felt Royal Oak wasn’t really his scene, but Ann Arbor fit him much better. Maybe he would move there soon. Instead, he moved back to Atlanta, being in Michigan for about 8 months. Throughout his journey, Detroit was never an option. He kindly avoided my insistences to look into it. I could tell he wasn’t interested, so I backed off.

His post read, “That time when TurboTax asked me, ‘was your job in 2013 located in a Qualified Disaster Area?’ and I seriously considered saying yes…” with 8 likes and no comments. I immediately felt betrayed and angry and spent a good deal of time thinking how I should respond. I’ve thought through the sarcastic route (“Yes, the RenCen is truly a disaster zone, akin to post-quake Haiti or the decade-long Myanmar refugee camps”), the smart-ass route (“What exactly about a 7-tower skyscraper on the riverfront with valet parking and a sky-top steakhouse is similar to a disaster zone?”), the subtle route (“Dislike”), the polite-and-disappointed friend route (“I’m disappointed that you would post something so negative about the city I live in”), the positive route (post a bunch of links to positive Detroit stories. E.g. Rebel Nell, The Empowerment Plan), and even the angry-but-hurt friend route (“Just to let you know, a lot of people call this place home, and making a witty comment at our expense doesn’t make you cool”).

No matter how I weighed each response, none of them had the impact I wanted. I wanted to be able to tell him: you’re comment is inaccurate and it is not cool to expense others to prove to your Facebook friends that you are mildly funny yet responsible. I also wanted to touch the people reading his status; start getting them to think of Detroit in a non-bankrupt/crime/blight type of way. None of my options did that. Because, what happens when I make any of these comments? I would likely be written off as promoting my cause. What I mean is, on Facebook, when someone posts about their political viewpoints, a social issue they are passionate or the company or product they have to promote for their job, they often get ignored. I am certain everyone who can view my Facebook page knows I am a fan and proponent of the city of Detroit. I would bet that many of my Facebook friends cast me as “that girl who likes Detroit.” I say this because I do it to other people. I know exactly who is passionate about marathons, who leans far to the right, who doesn’t understand why people are poor, who actively campaigns for gay rights, and who is shamelessly trying to advance their career via social media. I associate these posts with the person, and if I’m not interested in “their issue” I know to skip over their posts without even thinking twice. Sure, those posts will always get some love, but usually from the same people who are also passionate about that issue and are always commenting on it. The challenge is thus two-fold; reach a greater variety of people to engage in thinking about the city of Detroit and to communicate the truth about Detroit in a way that is genuine yet unassuming.

How can we effectively communicate positive things about Detroit without being promotional about it? Sometimes, it seems the only true way is a slow and natural way, in which we share our experiences with the world and hope people see the good in our lives that come from being in Detroit. I know that strategy will work over time, but how far can it reach? I continue to struggle with directly communicating my thoughts on Detroit without sounding either like an advertisement or a hostile resident who is obligated to defend her home. It’s tough to be heard sometimes, especially when it comes to unpopular opinions, but it’s even harder to be heard in the way you meant to be heard.