![](\"https:\/\/c.o0bg.com\/rf\/image_r\/Boston\/2011-2020\/2015\/04\/20\/BostonGlobe.com\/Sports\/Images\/Tlumacki_bostonmarathonfinishline_sports346.jpg\")
<\/p>\nOften the first characteristic someone notices about me, or uses to describe me\u00a0is sports related. Runner. Student-Athlete. Sports Enthusiast. These words were the ”finished” product of a fa\u00e7ade I had carefully hand-crafted to hide behind. A fa\u00e7ade that\u00a0followed me from city to city as I kept running from the truths I wasn’t mature enough to accept.\u00a0Like a continuous game of\u00a0charades,\u00a0I\u00a0allowed myself to out run life. Until now. Running became a escape from the reality of my short comings and\u00a0the subsequent consequences.\u00a0\u00a0I became immune to the lifestyle and became blind to the affects into had on every aspect of my life.
\nWith the conclusion of the fellowship on the horizon, I began to ready myself for yet another opportunity to ”run”. Set on putting Detroit and the year in my hindsight only to very likely fall into the same trap in whatever city awaited me next, I had written off the last two months here as lost.<\/p>\n
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Like clock work, I woke up for my Saturday run at 4:45am and got ready to head out. I\u00a0had ran a total of 1872.25 miles since arriving in Detroit, and every step was all apart of the master plan to qualify for the 2017 Boston Marathon. Then, all of a sudden a sharp pain shoots up my left leg and forces me to an immediate stop. Everything I had worked for, and sacrificed, was lost. Everything was now… in perspective.<\/p>\n
Running has been an escape I have long used to avoid facing reality, and accepting responsibility. I spent everyday since arriving in Detroit consumed with running, nutrition and recovery. I ”sacrificed” discovering the city, and exploring with the other fellows and young professionals in Detroit to ”prepare” for tomorrow’s run. I never let go on my insecurities and let my pride dictate the outcome of my fellowship. I\u00a0became\u00a0disgusted\u00a0with a\u00a0previously ”lean” body, and began a ugly pursuit of sub 5% body fat. A pursuit that would see\u00a0me reach my absolute lowest points. A pursuit that every single day made me further lose sight of what life really is about. I had become dangerously restrictive and controlling in regards to nutrition, and in combination with extreme mileage run,\u00a0resulting in significant weight lost from a previously ”healthy” weight.<\/p>\n
And, in order to maintain what I became convinced was a ”ok” weight, I had forbidden myself for the other 99.9% of life. I was singularly focused on the pursuit of qualifying with a sub-2:50 marathon in the hopes that it would solve, and erase every problem.In reality, the .01% I was chasing was not the solution, but the cause of it. The pursuit to quality for Boston, and my reasons for it\u00a0were the root cause of every ounce of negativity the last 5+ years and the ”bricks” that built my wall between myself and happiness. I was in hands down the best physical shape, but mentally I was\u00a0fading\u00a0everyday.<\/p>\n
As I ”walked” out of the doctors and learned I would be unable\u00a0to run for the foreseeable future I immediately began to question. But unlike past injuries, I was not questioning if I would regain my speed or endurance. No, one simple question reigned; Why? A question that I would continue to ask myself continuously for the remainder of the week. Why have you ”run” from every city you lived in, why have you let the time on a stopwatch control your every move, why have you forbidden yourself from going out, why have you failed to let people into your live, why?<\/p>\n
The answer was one I couldn’t provide but the course of the last week has slowly uncovered. This past year has been the ugliest in my young adult life, it has seen my enter depths I never thought possible and many moments I’m completely ashamed of.\u00a0But, it was essential\u00a0to me regaining a level of normality in my life. It was the hardest ”run” of my life but the most rewarding. This run was no longer me running away from my fears, but running away from the chains my pursuit of Boston had created.<\/p>\n
My eyes were fixed on the stopwatch for so long I forgot to look up and see that life moves on, regardless. The peers I work with could care less about my athletic dreams, or my marathon PR. They couldn’t care less about my sub 5% body fat. They couldn’t care less about the concave curve on my stomach. They couldn’t care less about my weekly distance PR. They couldn’t care less.<\/p>\n
When I\u00a0hit ”stop” and finally looked up from the stopwatch, I opened my eyes to world I had closed out to pursue a silly\u00a0Marathon PR. I opened my eyes to a world that\u00a0had been closed off\u00a0for so long. I came\u00a0to the realization that my athletic goals are the mere .01% of life that go unnoticed.<\/p>\n
I had to recalibrate my understanding of life and priorities. I had to stop running to start living. Sitting on the doctors table I thought I had my ”dream” taken away from me as a result of a serious injury (stress fracture). In reality, I had my skewed and unhealthy mindset taken away.\u00a0Instead of having the center of my life stolen, in reality, I had the center of what life should be restored to me. For that, and everyone who has stood with me through this year, Thank you.<\/p>\n
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