Detroit changed tremendously over the past eight years that I spent in school. I struggled to stay in touch through short summer stints and the same media that the rest of the world relies on. Corruption, bankruptcy, and violence dominated the headlines. And these sensational stories conditioned my mind even though I knew they were only soundbites and snapshots.

Lately, I’ve found this to be quite problematic. These small glimpses just don’t paint the whole picture. I used to feel like “I am the city and the city is me,” but sometimes I’m not so sure. You see, now that I’ve returned for good, I feel like a fraud, uncomfortable walking my old stomping grounds.  Impostor syndrome has a new flavor. It’s called “you’re not really from here” and sometimes it’s hard to wash the taste from my mouth.

Today those headlines often speak of transformation, revitalization, and renaissance. In reality, I changed too. I left the city for what amounts to about a third of my lifetime and learned more than I thought I ever would. I came back because of my desire to impact the city that made me who I am. Yet, it’s hard to ignore my discomfort with the place I once knew. Imagine my surprise when I realized that my attentiveness to my surroundings now stems much more from fear rather than the caution of old. And in that same breath, I find recent developments that don’t feel like they were designed with me in mind.

Now, I’m searching for a place to lay my newly carved piece in Detroit’s complex puzzle. I’m a native newcomer, both an insider and outsider. I don’t know what my fit feels like, but I know it will take effort and patience. As the city continues its transformation, I will be there to witness it. I will grow with it as I reconcile my mixed feelings and emerge as a change agent for Detroit.

Greg is an engineer and social change agent with a talent for taking things apart and putting them back together. Follow on Instagram/Twitter @stemavenue